I never had to deal with anxiety. I had no idea what it was. That all changed two days after I had my first baby. I delivered my oldest Derrick via C-section and everything seemed to be going fine. The day before we left the hospital I started noticing it was hard to breathe when I was laying down. I didn't really say anything because as a first time mom I thought "I just had surgery this must just be normal). So we were discharged on a beautiful January day(seriously it was 70 and sunny which is so not typical weather for where I live). Everything was going great my parent were at our house and they meet us there as we got home. We got everything settled in and then it started. I still couldn't breathe very well. I tried and tried for it to go away, but nothing helped. Then out of no where I go into a full blown panic attack. I really felt like I was getting no oxygen at all. I yelled for Cory(my husband) to call 911. He called as I got down on all fours on the floor feeling like I was about to die at any minute. The ambulance came, the looked me over and I was fine. I was getting plenty of oxygen, my heart rate was great. I was fine. Well then why did I feel this way?
Fast forward to the next morning. After a night of little sleep, I still felt like I couldn't breathe. So I called my OB and was instructed to go to the ER. So we headed over there, my husband and I and our sweet little two day old baby boy. Lots of test, X-rays and such were done and come to find out I had pneumonia. MY body was trying to get rid of all the fuild from pregnancy to fast and it was getting into my lungs. I was relieved to at least know something was wrong and we could fix it. So i get admitted for observation overnight. They tried to get me in to a room on the Labor and Delivery floor so we could keep Derrick with us. But they couldn't, so I had to leave my brand new baby, it was terrible. I started to feel that sinking feeling again. My parents said they would take Derrick so my husband could stay with me at the hospital because frankly I was just terrified of being alone.
We get into the hospital room and I stay overnight. As I am getting discharged the next morning I discuss with my doctor the panic attack and feeling that I had. She tells me that is it anxiety and likely it was just because of the pneumonia. We decide there is no need for medication because I think I am tough and I can just handle it. We get into the car and on the way home I can't even handle the small drive home. We have to pull over and call my doctor to get me some anxiety medication. I felt so lost. I got xanax and continued on the medication just for a few days. I did not want to become dependent on it so I weaned myself off it as my doctor told me to.
I would love to say that was that. That it ends there that I just muscled through. But it didn't. For the next several years many many times I woke in the middle of the night heart racing, sweaty and feeling completely helpless. On a number of occasions I had my husband drive me to the ER just to make sure I was in fact not having a heart attack and I was not going to die! So how did I over come this.
But He was wounded for our transgressions,He was bruised for our iniquities;The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.-Isaiah 53:5 NKJV
And by His stripes we are healed.-Isaiah 53:5 NKJV
The first thing I did was memorize this verse. Then when i started to feel an anxiety attack coming on I would speak this verse out loud over myself. I also pulled out my bible and read my bible to help my mind focus on something and I prayed, oh boy did I pray.
Healing did not come right away. But I still pressed on, I knew God's Word. I knew it was His will for me to be healed of this. Even though I knew all this there were plenty of times I cried to God and wondered what I was doing wrong. Why wasn't the healing coming? Why did this keep happening to me? In those moments I had to make a choice. Would I continue to pray and believe God would heal me or would I just get frusturated and give up and learn to live with the anxiety. I choose to not give up, I kept praying and kept praying and kept praying. Five years later my healing came! I remember exactly where I was when heard the still small voice say I would have anxiety no more! From that very moment I have not had a single anxiety attack!
So if you are dealing with anxiety and are frustrated, confused and overwhelmed my encouragement to you would be pray! If you have been praying keep it up but if you haven't start now! Memorize Isaiah 53:5 and speak it out over yourself. At first I would just say "By you stripes I am healed.". That is enough! Keep speaking it keep praying it and reach out to others to gather along side you and pray with you. I would love to pray with you! God can and will heal you! Not only will He heal you but He will work it our for your good. This will become an amazing testimony for you to share and be able to help others who are in the same place as you once were!
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